


The Guilt is Heavy (Loving You Eases the Load)

by KewanKomTrikru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, Grounder Culture, Post Season 2, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 06:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6505708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KewanKomTrikru/pseuds/KewanKomTrikru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the betrayal at Mount Weather Lexa returns to Polis and awaits news of the outcome. When the smoke settles and Clarke is alive but in hiding and wanted by everyone Lexa has to battle her guilt. </p>
<p>The three months from Lexa's perspective and everything that follows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Guilt is Heavy (Loving You Eases the Load)

She stood tall as she looked out over the railing of the balcony to the sprawling city below. Her back, which was facing the group of men and women seated impatiently in her vast council chambers, was militaristically straight. All anyone in the room could see was the way the young woman had her hands clasped behind her. They could not see the way she swallowed a dozen remarks before she finally allowed her voice to ring out strong and steady, and she would never let them see the sliver of sorrow in her eyes after the blow she had just been dealt.  
“Bring me Indra at once.”  
She left no room for question. This wasn't a request, it was an order. A guard who had been tucked away in a darkened corner of the room slipped silently from his post to relay the instructions as the young woman finally turned to face everyone. Maintaining a staid countenance, she allowed her gaze to roam briefly over the assembled company before training her point of focus on her advisor. There was a short discussion delivered entirely with subtle head tilts and quick flashes of grey-green eyes before the older man stood gracefully and cleared his throat.  
“Heda, if I may.” The man started, his voice had a low rumble to it. It reminded the woman of an incoming storm. “This seems a good place to end for the day. Unless there is something exceedingly pressing…?” He allowed his voice to trail off as he looked to each ambassador in turn. When he received nothing but head shakes or mumbled dismissals he looked again to the figure standing tall at the head of the table.  
She nodded slowly, thoughtfully, before settling her hand on the rough edge of the council table and addressing the assembled party.  
“Thank you for your time, ambassadors. I have much to ponder before our next session and am grateful, as always, for your wisdom. We will reconvene in two days time barring unforeseen circumstance. You may go. Except for you, Titus. I have need of you before you depart to tend to the night bloods.”  
The older man bowed his shaved head slightly in acknowledgement, the sunlight bouncing off of his sweat slicked skin. It gave his tattoos an odd shine that made some of the animals permanently inked there seem almost alive. He made his way to stand in silence beside the woman as everyone save a handful of guards filed through the double doors and into the tower of Polis’ myriad of hallways.  
The pair remained standing in familiar discomfort until the last echo of footsteps had well and truly faded. It was only then the young woman allowed her hand to drop to her side. Titus swallowed the urge to clear his throat again as he turned to face the young woman beside him. As he truly looked he saw that she was exhausted. He could see the outlines of the burdens of her high stress position and nights without sleep under her eyes. She hid it well under a layer of dark war paint. Just as she hid the slight sag in her shoulders under her thick coat, flowing red sash and her bulky shoulder guard. No one was allowed to see her as weak. She was the commander, Heda of the 12 clans banded under a singular flag. Weakness would mean her death. Titus looked deep into the eyes of his commander. If her body was tired her eyes betrayed none of it. Her gaze exuded vitality, intelligence, and determination.  
“I want her found, Titus.” She began. There was a low growl in the back of her throat. “Gather thirty of my best trackers and send them out in pairs. I want every direction scoured. I want her brought to me immediately. Do I make myself clear?”  
There was complete silence as the man bowed his head. A bead of sweat rolled down his nose to hit the floor with a small plop before he raised it again.  
“Perfectly, Heda. May I ask why? Wanheda just destroyed the mountain single handedly and made you look weak and unfit for command. Why go after her? Why go to all this trouble?”  
A flicker of something flashed in her otherwise detached gaze. “Clarke is special, Titus. You will understand when she is brought safely back to Polis. Now, leave me.” She waved a hand dismissively and returned to looking out over her balcony and into the thick forest between Polis’ limits and the edge of the mountain.  
She waited until she heard the soft click of the door closing behind her advisor before she muttered “Where are you, Clarke?” Her words were dripping in rare sadness. It was a luxury she didn't often allow herself but she couldn't hold it back and she barely choked out the words “What have I done?” As she buried her head in her hands. Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I guess first thing is first. Thank you for reading. Honestly this has been a spare time project for more than a month. Shoutout to my incredible beta Eva for pushing me gently to keep going and digging me out of some frustrating blocks. She's amazing. Honestly could not have done any of this without her. The main plan is for this to eventually go beyond 307 so it should be a sizable and fun ride. I really wanted to explore stuff from Lexa's side of the three months and I'm excited for it. I hope you are too.


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